how to find self love and confidence

Have you ever told someone “You are beautiful?” and the person tells you I do not think so. Some look down on their ability to do certain things. People who look down on themselves, their skills, lack two basic things Self Love and Confidence.

There is a thin line between loving yourself and being selfish. Similarly, there is also a thin line between having self-confidence and coming off as a proud human.

Think about how many times you have flopped at a proposal cause you never believed in yourself or how many times you have turned down an offer because you feel you cannot execute that project. (Check out this post on how to become a more productive blogger)

How many times you have stood in front of a mirror and all you could picture was an ugly woman. A lady who isn’t pretty, smart enough, happy enough and who doesn’t deserve better.

Maybe yours starts with looking at yourself as a substandard for the opposite sex to have a relationship with.

What Loving Yourself Permits
A personal story:

Growing up as a child, I was compared with my younger sibling over almost everything. She was the calmer one while I was the one who was always bubbling and my sister is beautiful.

I love her and we are all beautiful both people found a way of comparing us and my parents did not do justice with the situation while we were much younger.

So I grew up with a lot of insecurities because people compared me with others even down to skin colour.

As a kid, one of the things I thought I’ll do when I grow up was to bleach my skin and hello, right now, I wouldn’t even bleach my skin for a million dollar. You know why? I have come to appreciate and love ‘me‘ better.

Now, people saying I wasn’t beautiful enough as a kid made me look at myself as undeserving and I took this mentality into adulthood.

When I started dating, I felt grateful that a guy found me attractive enough and wanted to be with me. I felt undeserving of them and has this mentality of working hard “since I am not pretty enough as I thought”. People will appreciate me because of my talents.

Do you know why I am telling you these stories? Because at 20 going on 21-years I found out that I was wrong about how I looked at myself I was so wrong about how I looked at myself years back.

My very first question to you right now is, how do you look at yourself? What do you see?

There are so many persons struggling with different levels of self-hate and lack of self-confidence while some persons do not even know they are gradually strolling into that stage.

how-to love yourself 5 best ways

Signs That You Do Not Love You Enough and You Lack Self Confidence

When you look down on yourself always: Some persons unconsciously look down at themselves at the slightest opportunity.

It starts with a list of words like (it can’t be me, how can he/she like me?, I wish I look like her/him, I wish I can bleach my colour, I am not smart enough).

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Seeking for people’s validation to live your life: Do you always judge yourself base on how people look at you or talk about you?

I know certain persons who need other people’s opinion to do things they are supposed to do themselves.

They even need advice or persuasion from others to spend their own money on themselves.

Looking at yourself as undeserving: How many times have you told yourself that you are not beautiful enough, you are not smart enough, you are trash and cannot attract the kind of man you wish for or the kind of people you want around your corner.

Well, baby girl, you are dealing with some levels of insecurities.

When you use a relationship as a means to avoid being alone:

There are so many persons on this table. They are scared of being alone, they do not even understand they have the capability of loving themselves.

Are you in a relationship because you feel its the right time or you are just using it as a means of escaping loneliness?

When you see yourself as Unworthy, Ugly and Insufficient: If you read my stories up there, you will know I am putting this out from a point of truth.

It’s like a victory song for me and I am passing out the same message to someone who needs a hand and may have not recognized it yet. Looking down on yourself, feeling unworthy, ugly an never enough is a form of low self-confidence, hate towards yourself and I bet you, you would never glow or allow the best in you to come forth.

I make mistakes whenever I try to shiver or doubt the abilities God has instilled in me, I make silly mistakes. Some persons look down outrightly at themselves as trash and expect others to treat them like a treasure.

Hey Babe, 90% of the person you will come across in life will never want to look at you beyond how they see you look at yourself.

PS: “If you are always looked down on, check yourself, you must have let yourself down somewhere”.

When you pay little or no attention to your mental health and general wellbeing.

How to Love Yourself a Find self Confidence

Understand you need help and desire to break off it: Change begins when you understand that there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

You can’t change how you see yourself if you do not realize how inappropriately you look at yourself. You need to start looking at yourself differently. Oh, you are brown skin, black or ebony.

Develop a habit of appreciation towards yourself and love yourself because you are created perfectly. Whatever spins your insecurity, you need to discover it.

To solve a problem, you must identify the problem. So identify what kind of insecurities you have about yourself. You can leave that in the comment section.

Self-love starts with Gratitude: You can never appreciate what you are not grateful about. Become obsessively grateful about how far you have come.

The little things about yourself you appreciate a lot and if you have nothing to be thankful for. Be thankful for the gift of life.

If you are battling with insecurities especially when it falls to self-esteem maybe about your looks or ability.

Get a gratitude jar and write on a sheet of paper or notepad, the things you are grateful for. (I explained all about Gratitude jar, how to create and use one in this blog post, so check it out).

Examples of things to Pen in your Gratitude Jar

“The colour of my eye is unique. I love my hair, it’s texture and I like the fact that I am smart. I am a woman who understands her value and is worth the wait of any man”.

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Start putting down things you feel are right about you every day in your jar or note pad. Your mind will shift from what it used to be and you will start appreciating you better. This works like magic.

Use the Power of Affirmations:

Do you know the power of affirmations can be used to kindle the power of self-love? When you wake up in the morning you affirm all the things you desire and want. You affirm all you picture about yourself when you wake up in the morning.

Download the “Become Super Confident Workbook and Affirmations right above”. You don’t want to miss its wonders.

Read the Right Books and follow the Right People: The kind of books you read and who you listen to have a way of affecting how you see yourself.

If you continually watch movies about someone who sees herself as less and she is always sucking about it. Do it as a routine for a week, subconsciously you will start seeing yourself in that light.

The people you follow on social media or have around you also matter to an extent. For someone struggling with an inferiority complex, you do not want anyone around you that compares you to other persons. You do not want anyway that lashes at you negatively or verbally abuse you.

For a lady with Cinderella complex, you should not be with a man who doesn’t find you amazing, neither does he love you for who you are and your imperfections.

One of the best steps to having mental health is avoiding toxic persons, associations and things that drain you mentally and emotionally. Read books that pass down positive vibes.

Self Care

If you love yourself, your body. You will always want to take care of yourself. Do you have a self-care routine?

How do you look at one of the most priceless creations ever “YOU“. if you do not have a self-care or morning routine which involves your body, your mind and your health.

Your self-care routine should cover how you look at yourself generally. It involves your ability to align yourself with only things that give off positive energy.

Your emotional, mental and physical stress level should be  reduced to the barest minimum.

It involves controlling what gets to you and what does not get to you. Self-care involves loving and treating yourself rightly in a million different ways.

Control the Energy Around You: If you are really concerned about loving yourself and keeping a healthy mental health. It is important you control the energy around.

Reject and reduce the number of persons who speak negativity about you or around you. This allows you to make positive affirmations about yourself and the things you would love to get changes on.

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Conclusion

Finding self-love is not a destination you get to just by snapping your fingers like “Thanos”. It is a gradual process which involves many things around you.

Oh, you need to love yourself over and over again. It is a non-negotiable right and you deserve it.

But, the key step here is gratitude, learn to be grateful for everything you feel you have right now and you will start noticing a change.

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how-to love yourself 5 best ways

What do you feel grateful for right now?

 

Author: Faith Ola
Faith Oladosu Inspires teaches Blogging and talk entrepreneurship. She loves travelling and reading. She Believes anyone can be Anything, 'only' if you put your heart to it. Join me in my Webinars, e-courses and Blog as we grow together.
2 Comments
Lilcent King Jnr October 18, 2019
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Thanks for this wonderful post, i so much love it.